Having worked full time for many years in leadership roles, this meant much of my time was spent working. While I didn’t have kids of my own, I had family responsibilities. My role as an only daughter meant that there was a huge amount of time spent caring for my father, juggling work and travel, since I lived overseas from him.
Adding up the daily hours of work time, social time, a bit of exercise, household chores, and family responsibilities the weeks fly by and there just isn't any spare time for you.
What is covered in this blog: |
Recognising That You Matter Too |
Work life balance is not the answer |
The Dilemma of the Busy Solopreneur |
The Cost of Putting Yourself Last |
The Mindset Shift: From Selfless to Redefining Selfish |
Three Key Mindset Shifts to Reclaim Your Time |
Practical Steps to Implement the Shift |
Embracing Your New Approach: Including You |
Recognising That You Matter Too
I grew up prioritising the needs of others. This was learned behaviour as my mother, whom I loved dearly, was a helper to many. She was someone who took no time for herself. I thought this is what you did to be a loving and caring human being.
What was missing for my mother, and for me, was the importance of self care.
The big life change came when I learnt about prioritising what mattered to me. Appreciating that I mattered too. What a revelation! I mattered.
For many, me included, the historical mindset had been that focussing on myself was interpreted as being selfish.
Work life balance is not the answer.
The contemporary conversation around busy working mums is to explore ways to find work life balance. Is that really going solve things for you? Simple answer is no.
Balance is about the even distribution of things. The approach of seeking balance is not going to work for you when the likely reality is that you are not even in the equation at the moment. Most of your life is probably being spent serving the needs of everyone else and there is no time in your life devoted to you.
So the answer for you is not about work life balance, the answer for you is to ensure that you are in the equation.
The role of motherhood has simply added another level of complexity into your life. Especially when kids are young as a working mum a lot of your attention is naturally going to be juggling the responsibility of ensuring the kids are ok and that you are meeting your work requirements. For many working mothers it is not just the complexity of juggling the kids, and work it is also about juggling aging parents too.
Potentially a lot of the time and space that used to be available for you to focus on what mattered to you has diminished and likely even disappeared altogether. That is sustainable for a while and on reflection you probably wouldn't change a thing, but as the kids grow, as you start to get more sleep, you start to remember all your hopes, dreams and creative things you wanted to do. What is dawning on you is the awareness that in your life right now, none of this has been happening for some time.
It may well be that life is going well. It may be that you are having some social time with friends, there may be some space for exercise and it may well be that you are doing a great job of juggling your family responsibilities and your work commitments.
And yet if you are noticing that you are feeling mildly frustrated at times and potentially experiencing moments of pure rage, this signals that something deeper is happening within you. It’s not more social or even down time that you are likely to be seeking, rather it is more probable that it is creative time that is calling to you.
When there is no time for you to be creative, it can feel like a hole within you, an emptiness, a sense of loss about not being able to bring to life new ideas, projects, and pathways for new business opportunities.
What about me you say? Exactly. Your spontaneous creative self is calling for a space to express itself.
And you may well know this but what is less clear is what to do about it.
The Dilemma of the Busy Solopreneur
The reality is, that when your life is already busy, you are never going to find time for yourself, as long as you keep doing what you are doing. When you have a goal in mind it often requires you to consider a shift in mindset.
The Cost of Putting Yourself Last
In my role as a conversational coach, the most common challenge women face when wanting to focus on their own goals is not having any time for themselves, as they are juggling so many things.
For busy women, including working mothers, the reality is that life is complex and there is much to juggle. As you learn to master the art of juggling, there tends to be one thing that is so often overlooked.
Who is juggling? Who is the juggler? You are the juggler.
You are central to all. You have forgotten about you.
The Mindset Shift: From Selfless to Redefining Selfish
If you are not included into the mix, then rather than enjoying learning to master the art of juggling, everything you do starts to feel like a chore.
For busy women juggling many things, what shift in mindset occurs that makes focussing on your goals easier?
Three Key Mindset Shifts to Reclaim Your Time
If I was to summarise the mindset shift there would be three themes:
Now Is the Time: Stop Waiting for the 'Perfect Moment'
Permission to Prioritise: Understanding That Your Goals Matter
Intentional Scheduling: Making Time for What Matters Most
Practical Steps to Implement the Mindset Shift
An acceptance that there is no time like now. There is never a right time in life. Now is the time. Making the decision to no longer wait for the right time.
An appreciation that you and your goals matter. Giving yourself permission to focus on you. It may feel selfish to focus on you, but in reality you have forgotten yourself.
An intention that is acted upon to prioritise what matters to you by cultivating time for yourself into your weekly schedule to focus on your work goals. Literally booking a slot or slots into your calendar as you do for other important appointments and meetings. Give it a name too. Something to remind you of the importance of this time.
Embracing Your New Approach: Including You in the schedule
These active steps validate that you matter. This time is your time. You are now available to you. A dedicated weekly space that you know is there for you. Time for you to focus on the creative projects that matters to you.
For me, I call it - Project Time For Me. Because now is the time for me.
Over time, as you honour this personal commitment, space opens up within you and for you. It starts to feel completely natural to focus on you and your natural creative expression will flow more easily too.
It's important to remember as a busy working mum, the answer isn’t in seeking a perfect work-life balance. In seeking that you create an imaginary division between work and life.
Now you have an opportunity to reframe your mindset from seeking ways to juggle your personal and professional life, to simply exploring ways to live a full wholesome life.
The true balance for you will come from allowing space for your creative interests to breathe within your schedule. When you carve out time for what nourishes your soul, rather than constantly trying to juggle work and family life as separate entities, you create a more integrated form of life balance.
This dedicated time for your creative pursuits is not just another task on your to-do list. It becomes a vital part of your well-being. It gives you a chance to step away from the demands of both work and home life, and reconnect with what makes you feel alive. By making time for creative expression, you break free from the frustration that often comes from feeling boxed into routines.
You shift from seeking work-life balance to living a life that feels more balanced from the inside out, where work, family and creativity coexist.
Eimer Boyle
Conversational Coach & Teacher of Human Development
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